Logan was officially three months old yesterday. I can't believe how fast it's going. I start school next week, so things will probably slow down a little, but I still can't believe it's May already.
Here's some pictures of Logan on his three month birthday:
"Yar, matey!"
My first Mother's Day was really nice. Mom and dad took me out to eat sushi and gave me a very pretty mother-themed necklace with earrings to match. I'll have to take a picture of it to post on here.
I should probably save this for Kronos Rex since that blog is private, but I really don't care anymore. Ryan called me on Mother's Day to wish me a happy mother's day, and then went on to tell me how wrong I am about him and his family. I had told him the day before that if his family really cared, they would have sent a card, at least in response to the birth announcement. He said, "How were they supposed to know to send a card?" I told him that since Tiffany sent a card and a gift, they can't all not know to do this.
When his cousin Courtney was graduating from high school, she sent out graduation announcements. We got one and sent back a congratulations card with $50. If she knew to send out announcements for it, she learned that from her mom, Ryan's aunt. How is this any different from sending out birth announcements and expecting a congratulations card back from people that claim to care? I also said he and his family could have at least responded to the pictures and videos me and mom sent them. He says he shouldn't have to reply to the emails.
I was going to just leave it at that, but I decided to send him, his sister and his mom pictures and videos one more time, just to give them all one more chance. (How many fecking chances do these people need, seriously?) I also wrote them all an email telling them all this personally instead of just letting Ryan lie to them some more. I went on to talk about how Logan is doing in the email and gave them me and mom's email addresses again so they have absolutely no excuse not to write back. I have yet to get a response from any of them. I even wrote in the videos and pictures email that I would like a response to make sure they got them, but no, nothing.
Of course not.
I'm so finished with these people. I wanted cards and emails for Logan so I could put them in his baby book and show him later that his family on his father's side has loved him from the beginning just like we have here. But that's fine, if they don't care about Logan then I'd rather they stay away now. It's better for Logan that way; he won't have to go through wondering where they went.
It's going to be very hard to explain to him why his father isn't around when he grows up and asks me. I never want to lie to him, but there are some things you just can't tell kids until they've grown up.
I took these videos today of Logan getting scared of a noise mom makes. It's so cute, but it makes me almost start crying when he does his lip like that. I can't stand seeing him about to cry, but right after he does it, he starts smiling again. He's such a little weirdo.
Things have been going good, pretty much. Logan's still sleeping through the night pretty much. He'll wake up a couple times but I just nurse him a little and he falls right back to sleep. The only problem is that he doesn't like taking naps during the day. He gets a bit fussy when he's tired and tries to fight falling asleep.
I start going back to school soon, on the 18th. I'm only taking one class, so I'll only be gone for about two hours, but it'll still be weird for me. I went to the store last night without Logan, that was the first time I've gone anywhere without him. It was also the first time I've driven in almost four months. I wasn't gone that long, but it felt weird not having him with me.
I'm just glad I don't have to leave Logan with someone I don't really know. He's here with people that genuinely love him, so I know I'm lucky for that.
Logan just started crying in his sleep on mom's lap. He's probably dreaming about her making that noise at him. Poor baby :(
I think everyone that really knows me knows that any offspring of mine will be loud. Logan is definitely starting to live up to that.
I took some more videos of him today. He's started to roll over from his stomach to his back, and I finally got that on tape. We also bought him a new toy for him to lay on. He really seems to like it. He gets upset if he's left on his tummy for too long, but when he's on his back with the toy he screams with joy. He's definitely my progeny.
Logan is almost two months old, so I thought I'd finally post something, even a video! Don't you feel special?
I look like hell, of course, but Logan is just too damn cute to keep this video to myself.
Everything else has been going good. Logan "talks" all the time now. He only wakes up about once a night, but he seems to demand getting out of bed at 9am every morning. Which to most of you probably seems reasonable, but unless I'm taking classes, I don't usually crawl out of bed until 11 or 12. It's been great though, and I can't imagine loving anyone the way I love Logan.
Speaking of heart matters, I might have an actual date coming up soon, which is exciting. I haven't been on a real date in about 5 years, so I'm a bit nervous, but it should be fun. Wish me luck!
Logan is one month old today. I have to take some pictures of him, because I need like fifty thousand one month old pictures just for all his baby stuff. They need to make baby books for dogs...puppy books I guess. I wish I had taken more pictures of Zeus when he was a pup.
Things have been going really well. Logan is incredible to be around. He's definitely the cutest baby I've ever seen, but I'm probably a bit biased. It's weird though, I was told that I would never get any sleep and would be up all night with him. I fully expected it, too. But Logan sleeps pretty much through the night. I usually only have to wake up twice to pop my boob in his mouth and occasionally change a dirty diaper and then we're both back to sleep. It's been this way since I got home from the hospital. Maybe some babies are just like that, I don't know.
He's been making little sounds a lot more now. Just little goo's and stuff, and he smiles more often. It's really cute. I can't wait til he laughs.
Besides baby stuff, I've just been trying not to wear myself out. We went to the huge IKEA store here in Atlanta awhile ago and I really just shouldn't have gone. It was way too much walking for me right now. I was really hurting the next day. I'm ok with little things though, like going to the grocery store or the book store.
Speaking of the book store, I finally got a copy of Watchmen and I really like it so far. The characters seem like real people, despite the fact that they dress up in costumes to fight crime. They are psychologically real people with their own real problems and vices. I've read graphic novels and manga before, but this is definitely a different experience.
I don't have much time to read lately, but I get in a few pages every now and then. I don't know what I'd do without Mom and Dad. They help so much. I also have a feeling my aunts and uncles will be coming back soon. Logan already misses them, and I know they've bonded with him now. Haha, we got you now! There's no escape.
I finally downloaded the Resident Evil 5 demo on my PS3. It's pretty much just like RE4, which I still think defies the whole idea of Resident Evil, but it is kinda fun. I'll just have to get used to it I guess. At least this one will have Wesker in it, hopefully it'll explain more about him. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about.
I was going to try to take some pictures and video to post on this entry, but it seems Logan is hungry. It'll have to wait I guess.
Logan Joseph Soto
2/12/2009
11:51am7lbs 13oz
I starting getting contractions on the 10th, but they never really got bad. I went in to get induced on the 11th at 9pm. After the put in the medicine to soften my cervix my contractions started in earnest. They gave me some pain medicine around 1 or 2am and I finally got to sleep for about 2 hours. After that the pain was a bit too much to sleep through. I had some bad pains starting around 8am I'd say, and then when I was finally dilated to 5cm they came to give me an epidural.
I was really scared of getting one, even though I knew I wanted one. I'd heard about how they can hurt really bad, or even get put in wrong. I had to sit at the edge of the bed and arch my back into the doctors needle. All I really felt was him giving me a local shot to numb it a bit, and then I got a contraction so I was concentrating on that pain and I didn't feel him put in the epidural at all. After about 20 minutes or so my legs were completely numb and I couldn't feel the contractions anymore. The epidural itself made me shake uncontrollably, and they eventually had to come give me an oxygen mask because Logan's heart rate was dropping.
The doctor came in around 11am to check me. She said I was at 7cm dilation and wanted to break my water. I didn't feel it, of course, but after she broke it I felt Logan shift hard upward, toward my chest. Then my doctor said, "Hmm...That's weird." And a nurse said, "That's not really something you want to hear your doctor say." Apparently her breaking my water scared Logan out of position. His rate started jumping all over the place and my contractions weren't dilating me anymore, so they decided to do an emergency c-section.
They rolled me into the room by myself at first, which was scary. I was still shaking uncontrollably from the epidural, and I was very scared that I was going to feel them cut me. It seemed to take forever. I smelled burning skin and felt a lot of pressure, and then finally mom saw Logan's head coming out.
When I heard him cry the first time I started crying, too. It was a very strange feeling.
I still can't believe I had a baby. It still feels unreal. I never thought I could love something so much.
During the worst of the contractions, when they were so bad I could have easily screamed and I could do nothing but concentrate on not screaming and they were coming one minute apart and sometimes not stopping for 3 or 4 minutes, all I could think was, "This is just one day...one day out of my entire life...this is just one day."
It was so worth it.
Here's the nursery web page to see more pictures of Logan, you'll need this password to get in to see them: 11821258673751http://www.our365.com/
So I am officially overdue now, and I thought that would merit a blog post. I've not really been super busy or anything, but it just seems like I've not had much time to post anything.
The waiting sucks, really bad. I thought for sure Logan would be here by now. Every little pain I get now makes me think he's coming, but it always turns out to be nothing. I kind of feel like a masochist, because I keep hoping I'll wake up in extreme pain every night.
It still seems very dreamlike to me. I don't think it will hit me completely until I get to see his face. I mean, I know there's something alive in there, it's easy to tell now. It just hasn't sunk in. It's a weird feeling, hard to explain.
Everything else has been going ok. There's still some people out there that like to talk all kinds of crap like they know what I'm thinking, but what's important now is that I have a healthy delivery, so I'm just trying not to let that stuff get to me.
Everything is going to change so much, and I'm scared, honestly, but really excited, too. I still can't wait until I get to bring Logan home and introduce him to Zeus. Zeus has always been so good with kids, he lets them get away with things he won't even let me do, like climb on top of him and pull his ears. I just can't wait to see Logan grow up with two big doggies and play with them.
It's going to be hard to go back to school this summer. I'm really enjoying my break, but things are about to get really busy. I think I'll be ok, since I have mom and dad to help me, but it's not going to be easy. The rest of the classes I need are pretty much all upper level, tougher material.
It's going to be an interesting year ahead, that's for sure.
Four weeks left until Logan comes out. It's still really crazy when I think about it. It's going to be so weird having a baby here. Our neat little family dynamic might change, or it might not. I'm not too sure how it will affect things, but I know it will be interesting.
A lot of people seem to think that I only live at home because I haven't grown up, or because I'm scared, or who knows why. Lemme just explain: I live here because this is my home.
I'm no longer just the child living with her parents. While that may be how it is physically here, it's not how it is emotionally. I see my parents more as my partners in life. They're still my parents, sure, and deserve more respect than I would show other people (although they might argue that sometimes @__@), but I see them more and more as part of my team. They seem to feel the same way, since they entrust me with the same information that they entrust each other with.
Things we do now affect each of us. I get paid to go to school, that money goes into the bank, which we all have access to. When I graduate from college (soon, hopefully), I'll get a job somewhere. If I have to move, guess who's coming with me?
I can never see myself leaving here. These people are the only people in the world that have never cheated me or betrayed me. They love me unconditionally and way more than anyone else ever has. Some people tell me I'll never grow up living at home, that I should be out on my own, working and going to school all by myself.
Are you fecking crazy? Why would I purposefully make this crap harder on myself? I have a team here that backs me absolutely. If I had left before, I would have had to figure a lot of this crap out on my own, but instead I have experienced teachers here that only have my best interests in mind. Who in their right mind would give that up?
I don't understand why more people haven't realized this. Sure, I like independence just as much as the next person, but I have more of it here than I would on my own. I am backed here by people that love me, that grants more freedom than most people think.
My parents and I no longer have just a parent-child relationship. We're partners in a crazy world, and I'm glad as hell for that.
"Yar, matey!"
